Him

Here's the latest and greatest part of my life..

Over the last lets say 5 months I was lead on, heart broken & humiliated by this guy.
For the sake of their pride I won't mention names, seeing as I can be the bigger person. Maybe this makes me the little person by writing about it I don't know nor do I care honestly. This "man" for lack of a better word, toyed me around. Yes shame on me for thinking someone 9 years older than me could ever have legitimate feelings for me but I was sweet talked into thinking he did. 

It all started with a simple drive after work, he picked me up and we hit it off, we talked about everything under the moon. It was great we stayed out all night even went to a look off and just stared up at the stars. Cheesy.. yes, but still really sweet and simple. Now at this point I wasn't really looking for a relationship with him, I was looking for a decent male friend I could turn to if I ever needed anything.

We started hanging around more often, and every Saturday we were together at least 90% of the day. I'd go over in the morning after work (The sweet joys of backs shifts..) and we'd cuddle and just sleep. I didn't mention we worked together did I? Oh yes we do! Anyway everything was going fantastic for months, we got really close and it was nice finally being with someone who I thought cared about me. Things went so well he asked me to move in with him. Of course I didn't say yes right away, that's a big thing. I said I would think about it. So over the next week I picked up a couple extra shifts at work because in the back of my mind I really was going to do it, I just figured I should have some extra cash on hand for some of the expenses. Which makes sense right?

Had to have been a Saturday night in June maybe the 15th, he decides to go out with one of his friends. Which I had no problem with, I trusted him to not do anything stupid whatever.. So I'm at work and he's texting me just talking like we always do. I asked him who his friend was bringing home, and he said a name. I was joking around when I asked him who he was going to bring home. To my surprise I was a little hurt when he said her name. Just like that I lost someone that I honestly started to care for and was expecting a little bit more from. Of course I couldn't get mad at him because we never officially talked about dating, but I mean spending everyday together and sleeping together, being asked to move in should count for something, should it not? But no apparently all we were doing was "Fucking around" those words straight from his mouth. Now when I heard this I just cried, I was so hurt about it all and there was absolutely nothing I could say. I couldn't even avoid him because we work together almost every night. When he found out how much he hurt me, or thought I was hurt he apologized but it didn't console me any. I was still left to dust and he had moved on.

That was just the short version of everything that is going on with him. Do I still have feelings for him? Yes. Is it hard to talk to him like nothing ever happened? Yeah. Is it almost impossible being the one he talks to when there is something going on with this new girl? Absolutely. Of course I'm going to be a tad bit jealous of her.. because I'm not her. And it's just the thoughts that get to you, why wasn't I good enough? Is it because she's prettier, skinnier, funnier.. all things you wonder but can never ask..